In November, I injured my knee. That first week of lying immobile on the couch felt like it would never end. I was discouraged after months of running and doing yoga three to four times a week. My first thought, ashamedly, was ‘I’m going to gain weight.’ Then I realized, I also had the best grip I’d ever had on my health and energy levels. I had been doing so well.
Eventually, I caved into my couch-bound lifestyle. Limping around my house was embarrassing enough without having to limp around in public. Besides, my other knee and hip had started to ache from all the limping. I determined I could do this, I could live on the couch.
The problem — I let this attitude affect a lot of other, not knee-related aspects of my life. I wrote less. I read less. I took care of myself less. I started sleeping in more, sleeping more period. I ate well at first, weight-gain at the forefront of my mind, and then I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. The first two weeks were the best actually because I couldn't move as much, I couldn’t get to the kitchen as much.
My lack of willpower and laziness came to a crescendo when I stopped taking care of myself. I hit the point where I was taking out my contacts one night, surprised I’d even put them in honestly, and thought maybe I just won’t brush my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror, ‘Did I really just think that?’ Teeth brushing takes all of two minutes.
That’s when it hit me. Deep down, I blamed my body for betraying me. ‘How could you do this to me?’ I thought. ‘We were doing so well, how could you sabotage us like this?’ If my body could form a response it probably would've said, “How could you stop taking care of me?” Don’t we all know that when we're sick or injured, we have to take better care of ourselves and not give up?
This moment is what made me promise to start showing up for myself again.
Whenever I was too lazy to go upstairs and get my water bottle to take my supplements, the voice said show up for yourself. Whenever my alarm went off and all I wanted to do was turn it off and continue sleeping, the voice said show up for yourself. When my yoga practice got harder and…